Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
