I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
