I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
