its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
