at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
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found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
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is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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