we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
