do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
