I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
