it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
