i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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