I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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