he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
