did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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