i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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