I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
