I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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