Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
