Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
