I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
