I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
