I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Can Purell be used as lube?
well you can't waste a boner
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
