I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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