I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
