i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
