There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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