I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
