How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
