I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love you. Go after that dick
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