Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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