I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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