that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
