Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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