Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
