As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
