so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
