And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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