Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
