did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
