what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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