I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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