Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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