i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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