My sheets look like a crime scene.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
