Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Someone shit on the floor
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
