I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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