Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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