you turned your livingroom into a bong?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
