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mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
