My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
