this beer tastes like vomit already
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
