respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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