my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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