that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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