I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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