Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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