We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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