I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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