I just cut my nipple shaving
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He felt like a one man threesome
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
