Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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