i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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