giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
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EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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