there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
