I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
