sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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