So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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