Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
