My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
