Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My bed smells like the plague
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
