There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Will exercising make me less horny?
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