I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i think im in europe. pls send help
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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